God blesses those people who make peace.  They will be called his children.

Matthew 5:9

God loves the peacemakers. We are called to love one and other and not create conflict. In an attempt to make peace, imagine building a bridge to get to your coparent’s side.  First step is you must be committed to the actual task. Do you really want to build a bridge?  You must sincerely be motivated to reach the other side.  Building a bridge with your co-parent begins with a commitment and then lots of hard work.  For example, you might swallow your pride and ask forgiveness for your part of the conflict, or you could ask them to “bury the hatchet” and move forward. You could take the first step and apologize for harming them without expecting an apology in return.  This may or may not work.  You could demonstrate random acts of kindness towards your co-parent, yet this may arouse suspicion.  You could compliment their efforts at attempting to bridge the way. Taking the initiative may surprise your co-parent especially if their actions harmed you.

Another way to change the climate of your relationship is to find common ground regarding your child.  Allow yourself to see all the ways in which you and your coparent are similar especially when it comes to caring about your child.  Notice what is right about your coparent rather than what is wrong. Be a love finder rather than a fault finder.  Notice where you agree and comment on it.  You can also acknowledge and show appreciation for one of their skills. For example, you may acknowledge that your co-parent’s math skills should come in handy with your child’s struggle in math.

Another way to make peace might be to let your coparent be right and even say so.  This may feel difficult but all you must do is find some small part of their dispute that you could agree upon.  For example, “You may be right about us doing too much for our son.  I agree we need to encourage his independence.   I hear what you are suggesting, and I wonder if you have any alternate ideas to address this so we may find a plan we both agree upon.  What do you think?”

Search for the grain of truth in your coparent’s opinion rather than focus on the parts you disagree with. Almost every opinion has some merit especially if we are open to look for it rather than find fault.

Almighty Father,

Help me swallow my pride to allow me to acknowledge positive qualities about my co-parent as a way to start building a bridge of peace between us.  I need your help to recognize where my co-parent has a good point so that I can build something upon it.  I cannot achieve this without You.  In Jesus’ name I pray.  Amen

 ….is there no King in thee?

Micah 4:9 CEV

As a parent, you certainly do not want to shame your child when you discipline then.   If you speak to the fool in your child, the fool will stand up.  If you speak to the King in your child, the King will stand up.  Likewise, if you speak to the fool within your co-parent that is who will ultimately stand up. On the other hand, if you speak to the King in your co-parent you may be surprised to find that the king may just stand up.

How do you make this happen?  By giving your co-parent respect, giving them the benefit of the doubt, speaking with compassion rather than contempt and avoid any negative assumptions about them or their motive. You can probably list all the ways in which your co-parent may act the fool.  This is not their best side.  Instead assume that there is a king within that you must speak to in order to get them to respond.

If you met a real king, you would be humble and respectful.  You would make any requests gently and carefully. You would assume the King has no reason to harm you and may want to help.  Can you Imagine making this much of a shift in how you speak to your co-parent?

Lord,

Help me speak to my co-parent in a different manner so I can get a different result.  Help me to expect the King so I have a better chance of finding the King.  Help me swallow my pride in order to speak to the King within him especially when I do not see the King.  Amen

  Trust in God's promises

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

Proverb 3:5

The Lord has been charged with the care and keeping of you just as a shepherd is charged to care for his sheep. Sheep need guidance and protection.  No matter what may happen, the shepherd is equipped to handle any problem.  The shepherd could be counted on to lead the way and provide them nourishment and rest.  He was intimately involved with a flock he knew by name.  He was concerned for the safety of each individual and willing to sacrifice everything for the sake of his sheep.  The sheep do not need to be in charge. God can do the same for us, but with an endless and divine power.

God’s word is loaded with promise and frequent reminders that we can count on Him if we trust and obey Him. As it says in Luke 1:37, “For with God, nothing will be impossible.”

Some of God’s promises include:

• God is always with you. Scripture reassures us that God is capable of handling anything you need.
• God promises to take care of all your needs. For example, in Psalm 125:1 it declares that “those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion. It cannot be shaken it remains forever”. The strength of these words reassures you that you are covered if you only embrace this truth and cling to God.
• God promises to protect and strengthen you.
• God promises to work everything together for your good and give you rest.
• God promises to forgive our sins when we repent.

Lord,

Thank you for all the ways in which You bless me and that I can count on your promises, now and forever.  Help me trust You to be in charge.  You are the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow. Help me rest in this knowledge.  In Jesus’ name I ask, Amen