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Can you successfully calm your mind?

  • Last updated: January 27, 2025 8:04 pm
  • Created: November 04, 2024 9:14 pm
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 The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid.  What can mere mortals do to me?

Psalm 118:6

 

When you are afraid, your thoughts will determine how anxious you become and how long you take to calm down.  Your thoughts will either fuel negative emotions like fear and anger or they will soothe you.    As, Horace, the early philosopher said, “Anger and fear are momentary madness, so control your passion or it will control you.”

One way you can reduce your emotional response is to recognize the power of your thoughts behind these feelings. In doing so you can learn to replace your distressful thoughts with self-soothing ones. For example, a thought such as, “He will never stop texting me harassing messages. I think he is setting me up to take me back to court” increases your emotional distress. A replacement thought might be “My coparent is certainly determined to speak with me about something. I will contact him after work.”  Or you may think to yourself, “He gets really anxious sometimes but does not know how to handle the stress. It will pass.”  “I don’t benefit from these anxious thoughts. I will write out my fear and place it in my prayer box for now because I cannot do anything about it.” Ultimately the most self-soothing thought is to remember Psalm 118:6; the Lord is with me. God will never leave me.”

Dear Lord,

Remind me that You, Lord, are always with me. I want to defuse the conflict in a manner that would please You.  Help me learn to soothe myself when I am under stress. I don’t want to numb my feelings nor let my anger seep out onto others.  Help me identify my fear and anger, learn from them, and not be overpowered or consumed by them.  Remind me to come to You for help so I can remain calm and able to think rather than react.  In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen

Authors

Susan Boyan

Over the last few decades of working with conflicted Christian coparents, I have encouraged parents to use their love for their children to change their own destructive behaviors. Unfortunately, this worked for only a portion of the conflicted parents. Over time, I discovered that incorporating faith into treatment has been the most effective intervention for change. I recognized many years ago the need for Christian coparents to have scripture-based skills to assist them in making personal changes. As someone who is passionate about improving the lives of families affected by divorce, and as a person of faith, this project has been on my heart for a very long time. As the proverb goes, “necessity is the mother of invention.”

My background and degrees are in special education, rehabilitation counseling, community counseling and marriage and family therapy. Furthermore, I have been writing and training on divorce related topics since 1993. I have authored professional articles on high-conflict divorce and co-authored seven books for conflicted divorced parents, as well as produced a psycho-educational coparenting video. I have also done TV interviews and frequently testify as an expert in the field of high-conflict divorce, parental alienation and parenting coordination.

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