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How does pride interfere with the ability to make requests?

  • Last updated: January 27, 2025 8:08 pm
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But they did not listen or pay attention; instead, they followed the stubborn

inclinations of their evil hearts. 

Jeremiah 7:24

 

No one likes to be told what to do.  As a result, it is wise to watch your word choice to avoid using demanding communication.  Notice the subtle difference in this example: “You need to get the children to their recital by 6:30 pm” versus “The children are supposed to be at the recital by 6:30 pm.”  A controlling or oppositional person will hear the very clear distinction between a demand and a request.  Another example might be “I need you to set up a bank draft right away so I can get my money on time!”  versus “An auto draft would really help with the support money. Can you arrange this?”

Another way to recognize when you are being demanding is to notice if you have made the request when you do not get the answer you want.  These are not requests.  A request means the person may say yes or no.  A demand is not optional; there is no tolerance for a “no.”  If your co-parent continues to press for what they want, do not answer them more than once. Respond with an “already answered.” One wrong word can trigger an interpretation or a negative assumption and the whole communication can end up in the toilet.  Choose your words carefully, especially when dealing with a sensitive or difficult person or subject.   As Maya Angelou stated, “People will forget what you say but they will never forget how you made them feel”

Dear Lord, 

Slow me down so that I do not communicate too quickly.  Help me to be sensitive to how my co-parent may feel about certain topics. Help me to realize that demanding things from my co-parent solves nothing. Give me guidance in making requests of my co-parents instead of demands. Give me wisdom Lord, Amen

 

Authors

Susan Boyan

Over the last few decades of working with conflicted Christian coparents, I have encouraged parents to use their love for their children to change their own destructive behaviors. Unfortunately, this worked for only a portion of the conflicted parents. Over time, I discovered that incorporating faith into treatment has been the most effective intervention for change. I recognized many years ago the need for Christian coparents to have scripture-based skills to assist them in making personal changes. As someone who is passionate about improving the lives of families affected by divorce, and as a person of faith, this project has been on my heart for a very long time. As the proverb goes, “necessity is the mother of invention.”

My background and degrees are in special education, rehabilitation counseling, community counseling and marriage and family therapy. Furthermore, I have been writing and training on divorce related topics since 1993. I have authored professional articles on high-conflict divorce and co-authored seven books for conflicted divorced parents, as well as produced a psycho-educational coparenting video. I have also done TV interviews and frequently testify as an expert in the field of high-conflict divorce, parental alienation and parenting coordination.

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