Blog

Do you recognize your true self or are you in denial?

  • Last updated: January 27, 2025 8:09 pm
  • Created: August 26, 2024 9:13 pm
  • Hits: 29
  • Rating:

 

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

Roman 3:23 ESV

Drama may occur in your life, especially around you and your co-parent.  Yet the most powerful warfare occurs within us.  The truth is we are all made up of a duality of darkness and light.  A primal split occurs in us where our authentic nature is lost by the creation of a fabricated self or ego.   This split is responsible for most of our emotional pain. We hide our dark sides from ourselves and from others.  As a result, we often project onto others our negative qualities and judge their behaviors.  Doing so helps our ego feel safe.  If we want to grow as Christians, we must become aware of our disowned shadow and repent.

Awareness and our egos are therefore, incompatible. The underlying emotion that governs all the activity of our ego is fear.  You may fear your child prefers the other parent, or that you will not be able to provide financially as the other parent.  You may fear being rejected by your former friends and in-laws or fear you will be replaced or left behind.  To become free of your ego requires the courage to become aware of it and take action. The unconscious drive behind your ego is to strengthen and reinforce the image of who you think you are.  The ego’s struggle feels like a life and death conflict if you are unaware.  When you become aware you can finally see both sides of yourself with your strengths and weakness. A healthy mind can tolerate ambivalence and juggle both good and bad in each other simultaneously.

It is essential that we have the courage to embrace the truth that we are all both good and bad, light and dark, strong and weak, thoughtful and cruel, giving and selfish.  Spiritual liberation occurs when we move from the darkness to the light.  Darkness brings blame, shame, judgment, pride and unforgiveness while God’s light brings us peace and acceptance.

Lord,

Help me accept and understand how my ego is behind my suffering and my reactions to my co-parent.  When I want to defend or deny remind me that I am just struggling to protect myself by disowning a part of me. Help me to repent and to be strong enough to self -examine and become more aware of my true self. Remind me that You see all of me and still love me.  Amen

 

If God accepts all of us how can I reject my coparent?

Authors

Susan Boyan

Over the last few decades of working with conflicted Christian coparents, I have encouraged parents to use their love for their children to change their own destructive behaviors. Unfortunately, this worked for only a portion of the conflicted parents. Over time, I discovered that incorporating faith into treatment has been the most effective intervention for change. I recognized many years ago the need for Christian coparents to have scripture-based skills to assist them in making personal changes. As someone who is passionate about improving the lives of families affected by divorce, and as a person of faith, this project has been on my heart for a very long time. As the proverb goes, “necessity is the mother of invention.”

My background and degrees are in special education, rehabilitation counseling, community counseling and marriage and family therapy. Furthermore, I have been writing and training on divorce related topics since 1993. I have authored professional articles on high-conflict divorce and co-authored seven books for conflicted divorced parents, as well as produced a psycho-educational coparenting video. I have also done TV interviews and frequently testify as an expert in the field of high-conflict divorce, parental alienation and parenting coordination.

Trackback URL