Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm to the end. 

Proverbs 29:11

Letting anger control you will result in poor impulse control. Without self-control, you are at risk of making choices that harm you or others.  Learning how to manage your emotions is a skill you were supposed to learn as a child.  If you were raised by a parent figure who did not set limits or demonstrated poor impulse control, this may have interfered with the development of your own self-control.  However, in certain areas of your life, you may have adequate self-control such being able to stop drinking after a couple glasses of wine, or by keeping your driving below the speed limit.  Self-control is needed in all areas throughout each day.  However, when negatively charged feelings like anger, hurt, and shame are triggered, it may be more difficult to use self-control. To have healthy feelings and relationships, we cannot allow our emotions to overtake our thinking.

Self-control requires us to identify types of anger while resisting the impulse to do what we want in that moment, in favor of a better choice.  If your co-parent attempts to start a conflict when your child is present, you know you need to resist getting into the conflict. This is good parenting because you are demonstrating self-control and you are sacrificing your wants to protect and shield your child.

When we feel the strong desire to react, we need to calm ourselves with a deep breath, reframe our thoughts, and then act.  This is a life skill you want to teach your child, so if you are not good at resisting destructive impulses now, allow this to motivate you to practice for yourself and for your child.  In the process, it will bring you greater inner peace and help you feel more effective with your child and your co-parent. The only way to really change our default, knee-jerk response, is to become aware of our feelings and thoughts before we act.  Slow yourself down.

Lord,

You know how I can become overwhelmed with anger towards my co-parent. Forgive me for my hateful thoughts. Help me breathe in love and compassion to avoid judging. I long to focus on pleasing You rather than continuing to feel my anger. With Your help, I can slow down my responses so that I have access to my rational self and make better choices. In Jesus’ name, Amen.