Do not deceive yourselves.  If any of you think you are wise by the standards of this age, you should become “fools” so that you may become wise.

1 Corinthians 3:18

Sure, you have a long laundry list of complaints about your co-parent.  Do you really think your coparent is 100% responsible for the family separation or the current hostilities?  Proverbs 28:13 says that “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves.”  For example, even when someone has betrayed you that is not the complete reason for the failed relationship.  There is always more.  Are you able to recognize your contribution to the current conflict?  How do you complicate the current conflict? Do you withhold parenting information, make unilateral decisions, block access or share negative information with your child?  Unless you can accept the reality that you are part of the problem, you will see yourself as the victim and not learn anything from the painful process.

If you cannot handle any negative feedback, you will be easily wounded.  This makes relationships very difficult to navigate.  You will likely use denial to protect ourselves.  Denial can be very effective and powerful but it does not create growth. We can become our own worst enemies. Would you prefer to be blind to reality or face your own flaws head on?  The more insecure the person, the harder it is for them to face their darker side.  If you are unable to see your part, it may be because your ego is too fragile. This is not going to sit well for your own growth psychologically nor spiritually.  God expects us to face the truth.  The truth really can set you free.

We need rescuing from ourselves because if sin remains, we will be drawn to desire.  We will think, say and do what God names as evil.  It is important that we accept this reality of our nature in order to see ourselves honestly.  When we think we are righteous, we expect others around us also to be righteous.  Self-righteousness is being more concerned for the knowledge of sin of others than of your own. This leaves us being judgmental, demanding and constantly disappointed.  When we think we are righteous, we are likely sinning with pride and deceiving ourselves.  How can we begin to take responsibility for our poor choices if we refuse to recognize how easy it is for us to sin?  The scary deception of sin is that, at the point of sinning, sin doesn’t look all that sinful.

Heavenly Father,

Help me to take the step of maturity and face my darker side and own my contribution to the problems.  Help me not to think in “all or nothing” terms. I want the courage to see with spiritually mature eyes who I really am and not deceive myself.  If I am, please reveal it to me and give me the courage to cease cooperating with deceptive schemes.  Help me to reframe negative feedback as a gift rather than an attack. Help me have the maturity to use the feedback to grow to be more like Jesus.  Amen