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Do you keep taking the bait?

  • Last updated: January 27, 2025 8:25 pm
  • Created: December 30, 2024 9:14 pm
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There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.

Proverbs 14:12

You must remain alert or else when your co-parent dangles a hook, you are likely to take the bait and react.  This can happen so quickly.  When your co-parent throws out the bait, observe that it is simply desperation or manipulation.  They know how to get under your skin.  Yet, there are no excuses. We are totally responsible for the decision to react and swallow the hook or not.  Unfortunately, our behaviors become predictable and self-defeating.  How we handle our conflict becomes our own contribution to conflict.  So, if you take the bait then you are actively fueling the co-parenting conflict.

It is our instinct, when pushed, to push back. But martial arts teach us that we must ignore this impulse. We can’t push back; we need to pull back until our opponent loses their own balance. This is called the art of the Side Door strategy.  Throw you co-parent off with a different response-a productive one, maybe even a kindness.

Lord,

Help me with self-control so I can recognize the bait before I respond. Prepare my mind for action. No matter what is said or done, help me keep a positive attitude and not respond.  Help me detach in these moments.  Empower me with your Spirit. Amen

Authors

Susan Boyan

Over the last few decades of working with conflicted Christian coparents, I have encouraged parents to use their love for their children to change their own destructive behaviors. Unfortunately, this worked for only a portion of the conflicted parents. Over time, I discovered that incorporating faith into treatment has been the most effective intervention for change. I recognized many years ago the need for Christian coparents to have scripture-based skills to assist them in making personal changes. As someone who is passionate about improving the lives of families affected by divorce, and as a person of faith, this project has been on my heart for a very long time. As the proverb goes, “necessity is the mother of invention.”

My background and degrees are in special education, rehabilitation counseling, community counseling and marriage and family therapy. Furthermore, I have been writing and training on divorce related topics since 1993. I have authored professional articles on high-conflict divorce and co-authored seven books for conflicted divorced parents, as well as produced a psycho-educational coparenting video. I have also done TV interviews and frequently testify as an expert in the field of high-conflict divorce, parental alienation and parenting coordination.

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