But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness and self-control. Gal 5:22
It may seem next to impossible to consider demonstrating kindness towards your co-parent when you have so much animosity towards them. Make a list of small kindnesses you could do, once in a blue moon and expect no thank you and no reciprocal kindness. Consider how any of these examples may soften your heart, keep you aligned with your faith, and even benefit you and your child. If you feel resistant to this concept, do it anyhow. Demonstrate kindness and it will indeed change you over time. Here are ten ideas to get your list started:
- Make sure your child has a card (or homemade card) for the other parent’s birthday, or other important day. (You would never send your child to a birthday party empty handed, would you? That would cause your child to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable.)
- Mark your kitchen calendar with a smiley face to represent the days your child is with the other parent.
- Thank your co-parent or their spouse for something and be specific
- Tell your co-parent that you like the way they handled a parenting matter
- Wave or say hello to your co-parent at each transfer or mutual activity. If this is already happening, try giving them a genuine compliment in front of your child
- Show your child that you support the other parent’s decisions
- Be generous and flexible about a request from the other parent for extra time without expecting anything in return. (Even if it seems that they are never flexible with you)
- Text your co-parent a picture of your child doing something fun on a vacation or random event
- Show your child you can let them love and respect their other parent even if you have strong feelings of the contrary-Keep your thoughts to yourself
- Congratulate your co-parent when they get married, move, have a baby or secure a new job
Research indicates that those who share acts of kindness are 41% happier than those who do not. Princess Diana, commonly referred to as the People’s Princess, stated, “Carry out a random act of kindness with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.” Paying for the customer’s coffee behind you is easy because you can assume, they are kind and grateful for your random act of kindness. But it is much harder to show kindness to someone who has harmed you or continues to harm you. How do you show kindness when there is so much animosity between the two of you? You do it for your child, for yourself and to praise God by following His commandments. According to Paster Jill Briscoe, “Transform the gift of love we give to others into a kindness the world seldom sees.”
Lord,
Help me demonstrate random, and not so random, acts of kindness. I want my child to not only develop a kind heart, but I want kindness to be the way my child thinks of me as a person. Give me the strength to accomplish the ability to put my feelings aside to show genuine kindness to my coparent. Eliminate any pride or stubbornness that would cause me to resist these simple changes for my child. I choose to honor Your commandment and love my enemy while creating a positive legacy for my child. Give me the strength to make these changes and demonstrate that I am stepping out in love. Amen