But they did not listen or pay attention; instead, they followed the stubborn
inclinations of their evil hearts.
Jeremiah 7:24
No one likes to be told what to do. As a result, it is wise to watch your word choice to avoid using demanding communication. Notice the subtle difference in this example: “You need to get the children to their recital by 6:30 pm” versus “The children are supposed to be at the recital by 6:30 pm.” A controlling or oppositional person will hear the very clear distinction between a demand and a request. Another example might be “I need you to set up a bank draft right away so I can get my money on time!” versus “An auto draft would really help with the support money. Can you arrange this?”
Another way to recognize when you are being demanding is to notice if you have made the request when you do not get the answer you want. These are not requests. A request means the person may say yes or no. A demand is not optional; there is no tolerance for a “no.” If your co-parent continues to press for what they want, do not answer them more than once. Respond with an “already answered.” One wrong word can trigger an interpretation or a negative assumption and the whole communication can end up in the toilet. Choose your words carefully, especially when dealing with a sensitive or difficult person or subject. As Maya Angelou stated, “People will forget what you say but they will never forget how you made them feel”
Dear Lord,
Slow me down so that I do not communicate too quickly. Help me to be sensitive to how my co-parent may feel about certain topics. Help me to realize that demanding things from my co-parent solves nothing. Give me guidance in making requests of my co-parents instead of demands. Give me wisdom Lord, Amen