What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them.
Matthew 15:11
The Bible warns about the danger of allowing ourselves to say whatever crosses our minds. Scripture states that the mouth can speak light and darkness. We show ourselves by what spills from our mouth.
Words have meaning. They bring great joy and admonishment, but they also leave deep wounds where scars cannot be seen or easily healed. One small word can make a tremendous difference. We must become intentional when selecting our words. The power of the human tongue makes a child believe they are loved. Words can make your child feel responsible for your co-parent conflict. One negative or critical comment can dash a child’s sense of self and erase a dozen attempts at praise. Likewise, what you say to your co-parent sets the stage for the type of relationship you will have. Do you speak with kindness, with respect, encouragement and comment on what they may be doing well? Or do you use your opportunity to simply criticize and destroy? If you blame and criticize, you bring death to your relationship which harms you and your child.
When we are upset, there is much we want to say such as, “This is all your fault! What’s wrong with you? You’re such a jerk!” However, we cannot un-ring the bell after allowing toxic comments to flow feely from our mouths. When you are afraid or angry, your thoughts will fuel your emotions and unless you have a filter over your mouth-the words may come pouring out. Judgements made and damage done. No apology will fix the damage of your words. No one was meant to hear some of your destructive thoughts. It is bad enough to think these negative thoughts. Learning to filter is essential for managing your emotions.
Therefore, it is important to be intentional with our words. For example, James and Marilyn have been under additional stress as both parents have filed motions to be heard in court. They are both angry and harbor resentment and bitterness towards each other. Marilyn is driving with her two boys to school when she notices a hostile text from James. She pulls the car over to read the message and catch her breath. James is accusing her of not caring about the boy’s educational needs. Her pulse quickens, and both adrenalin and cortisol begin coursing through her body. Marilyn is so agitated that she calls James immediately, even though the boys are running late for school. Sadly the boys are stuck listening to their mother’s accusatory tone. They can even hear their dad yelling back through mom’s phone. The younger son begins to cry. Marilyn fires back at James, “Look what you have done! You are upsetting our boys!” That night while tucking the boys into bed, they tell her how bad it feels when she yells at their dad. She replies, “Well, I’m sorry about that but if your dad wasn’t being a jerk, I would not have yelled at him!”
Marilyn’s immature response takes no responsibility for what she has allowed out of her mouth. Her response to the boys makes matters worse. She is unconscious of her mouth rather than intentional with her word selection. She seems to have no idea of the damage her words have done. She tucks them in, kisses them and tells them she loves them.
Lord,
This could easily be me. Help me be intentional with my words and my reactions so I can curb the damage I do when I am tired, agitated or careless. Help me to be a better parent and demonstrate better self-control. I know this means I must sacrifice my need to be right and give up my negative interactions. It will mean I must forgive and begin to see my co-parent as my child does and more importantly as You do. Help me to pick life over death Lord, Amen