But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right check,
turn to them the other cheek also.
Matthew 5:39 NIV
Jesus teaches about diffusing conflict by being non-reactive rather than letting conflict escalate. He commands we stop the cycle by a willingness to suffer wrong. This does not mean we should allow physical or emotional abuse but do what is necessary to stop the conflict rather than retaliate. Jesus states, “Do not resist evil.” He wants us to avoid starting conflict even if the other person is wrong. We all know how difficult this concept is. Detaching and letting go will help you become non-reactive. For example:
Jeff is always giving his coparent, Renee directions about how to help their son by sending her ongoing text messages such as, “You have to make sure he reads the chapters and answers all the questions. Then you should make him a quiz to take……!” …….. “Our son has a runny nose so you need to make sure he gets plenty of water and takes his allergy medicine” ….” Next Saturday you need to take him to buy his soccer equipment.”
You may find these directions either helpful or controlling. Most will experience unsolicited advice as critical. It is typically not helpful and actually fuels conflict. Renee feels insulted, disrespected and controlled by Jeff’s directions. She reacts in a variety of ways. She has tried ignoring Jeff (while being resentful) and she has lost her temper and told him to butt out! Jeff does not understand why Renee does not accept his help. Renee needs to become nonreactive so Jeff will not get under her skin.
As Renee detaches, she finally accepts that she has no control over Jeff, or his behaviors and it is time for her to emotionally detach from him so she can stop reacting. She sets clear limits with Jeff about not having any of these interactions in front of their son. She also informs Jeff that she will not accept text messages from him unless their son is with him as it may be an emergency. Renee spends time in prayer asking God to be in charge and to release her from her prideful belief that she can change Jeff. Renee learns how to let Jeff be Jeff without reacting or resenting. She lets his comments wash over him instead of irritate her. She could respond to his request with a simple “thanks.” Over time, Renee begins to experience the peace of God as she relinquishes control of her co-parenting relationship to God.
Dear God,
I have been letting my co-parent get to me and it is exhausting. I am ready to learn how to become non-reactive rather than fight against my co-parent. Please forgive my arrogance and my pride in not trusting You. I choose to let go and surrender my co-parent, our interactions and our relationship to You. Amen