In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.
John 16:33 ESV
Acceptance is a recovery concept full of potential. It helps you work through anger, sadness, and shame. Acceptance should be your goal for a truly healthy life. So, if you want to find peace with your curly/unruly hair, then for heaven’s sake, stop straightening it every day and find a new hair cut that will allow you to accept and appreciate your God given curls. We completely stress ourselves out when we resist what life brings us. We create resistance when we are either pushing life away or pulling it toward us. We all carry around with us thoughts that reflect our own set of preconceived notions of how things should be done in each situation. Unrealistic expectations will make everything far more complicated.
According to Richard Carlson, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, “For anything to change or anyone to change, we must first accept ourselves, others and the circumstance exactly as they are.” Acceptance is the magic that makes change possible. According to Michael A. Singer from, The Untethered Soul (2007) “The path of acceptance is the path of surrender. It is about not resisting energies as they pass through you. Instead, you can just relax and release your heart. Allow your mind to remain open and expansive enough to encompass reality.”
Physical, emotional and spiritual pain is an intrinsic part of the human experience. The Apostle Paul was essential to God’s plan for the church. Yet as vital as Paul was, he suffered over and over. He was imprisoned several times, whipped and flogged thirty-nine times, beaten three times with a rod, shipwrecked three times, lost at sea for several days, gone without food or water and was eventually was crucified. If this can happen to one of Jesus’ right hand men, it can happen to anyone. Paul was not a victim, and neither are you.
Although your suffering may not compare to Paul’s it has been painful nonetheless. Maybe your former partner lied, cheated or mislead you. They may have abused you verbally, physically or both. They may have betrayed you or controlled you. They may have attempted to take custody away from you making false allegations about you in order to do so. Perhaps they have taken you to court multiple times costing you hard earned money that should be going to your child.
Worse yet, maybe they are filling your child’s mind with lies and attempting to alienate you. They may have slandered you or shamed you publicly costing you some friends. Your co-parent may have interrupted you at your place of employment that you lost your job. It could be they had you falsely jailed for several days. Perhaps they are taking expensive vacations with their new spouse but cannot afford to help you with your child’s expenses. The list can go on and on. Some of these examples may be part of your current struggle.
Those who have given birth recognize that if you tense up in labor and resist the contractions you will make them far more painful. We sometimes think that if we resist reality, we can change the situation or make it go away. It may seem that accepting painful situations is a passive strategy or giving in. That’s not it. It’s allowing reality to be as it is. People often say, “I can’t stand this,” “This isn’t fair,” “This can’t be true,” and “It shouldn’t be this way.” It’s almost as if we think refusing to accept the truth will keep it from being true, or that accepting means agreeing. Accepting doesn’t mean agreeing.
It’s exhausting to fight reality, and it doesn’t work. When we are in the stage of shock, denial is helpful because the pain is too great. However, holding onto denial will only delay and postpone your own recovery. Face the facts, otherwise you will only increase your suffering.
The point is, this is the person you must co-parent with. Stop fighting this truth and stop being so surprised by their continued efforts. Admit the fact that you will have to find a way to minimize the damage while accepting your co-parent’s objectionable actions. Accept what you cannot change about your situation.
Lord God,
Help me accept reality for what it is and give up my resistance and unrealistic expectations.
You know how tired I am fighting against my co-parent. I find myself wishing I had someone else’s co-parent or fantasying that I can change them into a more acceptable co-parent. I find myself wanting to force them to become a better parent or a better person. None of this is my business Lord and I know I need to leave this to You. Help me let go of trying and just accept the situation, manage the situation the best I can and find ways to make peace despite it. Amen