Don’t get quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools. Ecclesiastes 7:9
Knowing your anger triggers will help you prepare for a better outcome. You will be able to anticipate your coparent’s topic and equally as important, your own predictable response. Knowing your triggers is like having a traffic app on your phone that will notify you of the pot holes in the road just up ahead.
Since your emotions are the result of your thoughts about what happens, it is important to come to recognize the thoughts that are fueling your anger. Typically, the thoughts that cause us distress have a theme to them that will help you modify your thinking. As a result of understanding these patterns you will feel a greater sense of control over your emotions. Some examples of themes include:
- Being disrespected: Not being consulted. Not being listed on the school paperwork
- Being undermined as a parent: Telling the children things to counter you.
- Being controlled or micromanaged: Telling you what to do.
- Being criticized: Blaming and telling you what you are doing wrong.
- About finances: Expecting you to spend more money than you have.
- About being taken for granted: Not showing an appreciation for what you do.
- About being left behind by a new relationship: Pushing to embrace their new partner
- Attempts to alienate: Telling your child negative things about you.
- About jealousy over the children: Spoiling the children to buy their love.
- About following the court order: Not honoring sections of the parenting plan.
- About a new significant other: Allowing the new person to discipline your child
- About parental expectations: Making negative assumptions about you.
- About neglecting your child
It is important to recognize the difference in being treated with disrespect and “feeling disrespected.” The person who is easily wounded will experience far more triggers than were intended. Keep an open mind to recognize how you feel may not be the intent. If so, you may be personalizing too much.
The most important part of knowing your triggers is to then decipher exactly what your thoughts are regarding these themes and then determine if your beliefs are true. When you can understand how negative and powerful your thoughts are, you can attempt to modify your thoughts after the fact to prepare you for the next time they occur. It is just a matter of time and this time you can respond differently! So, discover what is it that gets under your skin and gets you baited to react. Stop getting angry and being so predictable!
Lord,
I am tired of reacting with anger and irritation. Help me recognize my triggers so I can be better prepared to not react. I know it is possible, with Your help, to change my anger response by changing my thoughts. Help me replace my anger with a renewed heart and forgive me for allowing my anger to control me. When I feel angry, help me to
- Identify the feeling
- Lift these feelings up to You
- Commit to expressing them in a constructive manner and then
- Release these negative feelings and let them go.
With Your help I will be able to move mountains! In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen