Obey God’s Commandments – Chapter 7

Lesson:

Wow-you must be kidding- love my coparent after everything they have done? This is by far one of the most difficult commandments to obey.  However, when someone harms you over and over- how do you forgive them, let alone love them?  It sounds great in theory but what do you do with all the anger, bitterness, and hurt that lingers for good reason?  Scripture also says that we are to love them all the time not just on good days. 

It may be easier to “act loving” when your child is present but that does not fulfill this law.  We must begin by believing God can help heal our pain and with God’s help we can and will get to a place of forgiveness and loving behaviors.  

Start by imagining what “loving actions” would look like to your coparent.  Would it start with your eye contact, a genuine smile and hello?  That may be the most you can do at first.  If, however, you are already civil the next step may be to simply wish them a good evening or weekend on departure. Visualize before your encounter your co-parent.  Some of the work towards this goal will be an inside job before your actions are able to change significantly. At times, it may be easier to show love to a homeless person than to your co-parent. 

Try looking at your co-parent with the realization that you can only see fragments of them.  Look with an open mind and try to imagine that there are parts you do not know about.  Imagine that they also have vulnerable emotions.  They likely feel afraid when they are acting out. Allow yourself to see, or at least imagine the innocent part of your co-parent.  When you do this, you will begin to let go of some of the hostilities and become more compassionate and forgiving.    

Even if it feels completely impossible to pray for your coparent, at this point, you can choose to pray for yourself and start small. Consider praying for yourself such as “Lord, help me be kind next time I see my coparent.” Or “Lord help me see the good in my co-parent.”  Love your coparent by praying for yourself.  Keep praying for your own heart to change.  Don’t fall into the trap of praying that your co-parent will change their behaviors as this is a prayer for you rather than for them.  Your intent is to pray on their behalf by asking God’s help. Do this along with other acts of kindness and see how God can change your heart as you seek to follow God’s commandment to love.